That Kitchen Floor.
I remember when it was normal for me to follow whatever thoughts came into my mind. I lived in a static state of fear - and honestly, so much had happened in my life that was threatening mentally, emotionally, and physically that it was hard to think positively and live above it.
I did my best to maintain a positive outlook and I kept praying. But there were days where I would lie on my face on the kitchen floor in tears.
God's help would come when I would pray and especially when I would sing. Old hymns I'd learned as a child like "The Solid Rock" or "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" and "What A Friend We Have in Jesus."
The words would slowly drip into my mind and as they saturated my thoughts and rolled off my lips, my focus would return to God and my heart would begin to feel His peace.
It was in that kitchen that I first became aware of choosing my thoughts and the difference it would make.
When I heard it, I knew it was true.
I had been doing my best to "keep the peace" intact around me and keep everyone okay, but I was sacrificing my soul. My entire motivation had been based in raw fear.
It was fear that had been growing unchecked for some time. And to describe it - I felt like it was a vine that had climbed up, wrapped around my neck, and was shutting off my voice.
I didn't know what to do.
And then a friend told me that she knew I was just afraid.
And rightly so! I mean, my situation was abusive in many ways, but what power did I have?
That's the thing with ungodly fear - it takes your power every time.
A counselor I would see later on asked, "Robin, when did you realize your voice had been stolen?" (Wow, huh?)
It would be years of learning to speak up and stand my ground. Of getting freed from fear and codependency, healing from abuse, and finding the real me that God had created.
I realized that the peace I...